i feel the recursion of life coming back to bite me in the ass
i wont let impulse, self doubt and desire overwhelm my psyche#AFFIRM
it's too hot to think, it takes more will than usual for me to make things and have coherent thoughts and ideas, the thick, humid air makes me feel sticky and retarded. summer always makes me think about how it’s not “seasonal depression” if you’re depressed every season. wellbutrin isn’t enough for me; i need to be sedated for three months out of the year. i’ve gone through enough depressive cycles to know that i basically oscillate somewhere between despondant bed rot, to mildly aggreved but still anxiety ridden as a steady through line, I’ve provided a neat little chart to illustrate this pattern.
* 1 -
* 2 -
* 3 -
* 2 -
* 3 -
happiness peak, usually around summer solstice.
typically, something will happen/play out that could accelerate this downward shift.
rapid decline, usually culminating on or around my birthday.
usually this is followed by a sort of stasis, a general malaise that carries me into the new year.